omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
