Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
