for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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