Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
