I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
