Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
