Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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