i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If that was your dad, he is hot
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
