i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Can Purell be used as lube?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
