Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
