Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
