I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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