I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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