The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
