We're facebook friends in real life
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
