You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
