i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
