I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I could make wine with my vomit
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
