My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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