Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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