seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
