I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Two words: blizzard sex
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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