last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
