1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
