I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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