Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Boobs are out for the taking
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
