im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
