There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
