There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
