i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
