You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wish my penis had an off switch
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
