I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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