Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
