Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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