their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
