they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
