this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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