I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
