I'm really into asian looking animals
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
