i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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