i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
