New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
