Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
