So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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