fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The uberlube is also flammable
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
