I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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