I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
