omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
