I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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