did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
North Korea, Best Korea!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
