Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
