my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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