woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
