Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
