bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
