i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
